Telegram

DAD GAVE CASH SO BOY GAVE FARM THE CHOP STOP • WHISTLESTOP SPENT ALL ON TROLLOP IN WINESHOP STOP • FAILING CROP - FAMINE - OR PORK PORK CHOP SLOP GLOP DOLLOP SWAP STOP • REVELATION WALLOP STOP • PA ON ROOFTOP SAW FROM AFAR AND GREETED WITH TEARDROP RING COAT SHOES AT GALLOP BUT DID NOT STROP (GOOD COP)STOP • CALF LIFE HAD TO STOP STOP • ROLLMOP SCALLOP LOLLIPOP STOP • DEAD SON ALIVE SO LETS BOP SAYS POP STOP

Lepogram

made-up name; avoiding the letter ‘i’

Younger son took a share of dad’s money, and went to a land far away, where he spent every penny on women and excess.

Hunger ravaged the country, and the son fed hogs. He longed to eat the hogs’ food. He suddenly understood that he has been a fool and that he should go home and be a servant to the old man. ‘Now’s the best moment to get up and go home,’ he concludes.

But when he was yet a long way off, father saw the boy as he approached. He ran and hugged the boy, and made presents of a coat, some gold jewellery, a couple of sandals and several pecks on the cheek.

The calf suffered slaughter and a party ensued. ‘He was lost but now he’s been found! Rumours of my son’s death were greatly exaggerated!’

Star Trek

mainly inspired by the movies and The Next Generation series

The Lieutenant Commander took part in an Insurrection, and gained many bars of gold-pressed latinum from Captain Khan (who has a sister, but they were Generations apart). 

He joined an away team, leaving Cargo Bay Two in a shuttle (1701/7), landing by a Kirk in an Undiscovered Country on the surface of a nearby planet, Dissipate II, in the Deesturnt Galaxy, across the Eiondah Expanse. He made First Contact with life forms which proved to be as destructive as the Borg, and soon his shields were off-line  and he could count his Bones.

He envied a porcelline entity and had difficulty finding letters in the latter half of the alphabet, resulting in a lengthy Search for S. Pock-marked and wasting away, he realised he needed to visit Medical, where his physical needs could be assessed by use of a tricorder.

A mind-meld rerouted his neural net. He started The Voyage Home and he was in Motion. Picture the scene as he sought permission to come aboard the Constellation Class Starship again. He was beamed up to the transporter room, fearing he’d be facing the Wrath of Khan. 

But while his biomatter was still in the buffer stream (beyond the Final Frontier), the Captain gave him a new ring, holodeckshoes, a uniform, and nutritional supplements.

‘Replicate earl grey tea (hot), Romulan ale and synthahol for the crew. Make it so. Number Two was missing and I was aloNe. Me sister thought he was entering Stovokor, but he has returned to this current timespace continuum!’

Limerick

There was a young waster, whose money

Ran out — all spent on a honey.

Piggy swill caused offenses,

Then he came to his senses;

Happy dad gave good gifts to his Sonny.

Pangram

full use of alphabet in few words as in The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog; or Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow

Son acquired his money — v wild extreme. Pigs of realization. Back to joy!          

Villanelle

as Dylan Thomas’ Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night

The son hoped that the father loved so well;

Demanded such an early gift of cash –

His spirits gently rose from love’s compell.

He went away, so soon, bidding farewell

And quickly, wildly spent the giant stash;

The son forgot that father loved so well.

Now gambling, dancing with Mademoiselle

DuToit he stepped up with a perfect dash;

His spirit gave no thought to love’s compell.

But famine cruelly struck; he was unwell;

He envied, yearned to eat the piggy’s mash;

The son reduced. His father grieved as well.

Returning boy, the watchman gave a yell

Of joy; was running, gifting with panache;

His spirits rose and longed from love’s compell.

‘Reported death was a mere bagatelle.

He lives! E’en so he caused my teeth to gnash!’

The son now knows his father loves so well

His spirit’s welcomed back by love’s compell.

Operatic libretto

(Overture)

Act One

Scene One: A Farm

(Enter Paterno & Prodigio)

(Recitative)

Prodigio        Oh Father, Oh Father, thee I emplore

                       Gist, yea, gist, oh gist to me the cash!

Paterno         (aside) Oh no, not the cash.

Prodigio        Oh yes, oh yes, the cash.

Paterno         Oh no, not the cash!

Prodigio        Yea, the cash!

Paterno         I relent, dear boy, here’s the cash.

Prodigio        What, the cash?

Paterno         Yes, here’s the ca-a-a-a-a-a—a-a-a-a-a-a-ash!      (gives him the moneybag)

Prodigio        What, all the cash?

Paterno         All the cash that’s yours! (exits)

Prodigio        All this cash is mine! I’m off! (exits)

Scene Two : A Taverna

(Enter Prodigio & Prostituo, with chorus)

Prodigio        I’m spending as fast…

Prostituo      …as fast as you can!

Prodigio        I’m spending as fast…

Prostituo      …as fast as you can!

Chorus           Spend, spend, spend, spend (tinkle, tinkle)

                        Spend, spend, spend, spend (rustle, rustle)

                        Spend, spend, spend, spend (jingle, jangle)

                        Spend, spend, spend, spend (ker-ching)

Prodigio        Oh yes, I’m spending as fast…

Prostituo      …as fast as you can! (They embrace)

Prodigio        But now it is gone. (They spring apart)

Chorus           Gone, gone, gone, gone

                        Spent, spent, spent, spent,

                        Emp-ty pock-ets, right out of cash!

Prostituo       And so, I shall depart me,

                        I shall depart me hence as fast as I can. (exits)

Prodigio        (aria) I thirst, and hunger,

                        And all the world, all the world with me,

                        I thirst and hunger, thirst and hunger,

                        Thirst, I thirst, yea I thi-i-i-i-irst

                        And hunger, thirst and – oh – hunger,

                        I thirst and hunger, yea, I thirst

                        And thirst and hunger and hunger

                        And hunger and thirst;

                        Yea I thirst and hunger and

                        None of the people of the world are here, yet

                        All of the people of the world

                        Thirst and hunger also, yea,

                        They thirst and hunger also. (repeat)

(Intermezzo)

Act Two

Scene One:   Another Farm

(Enter Prodigio, Porcia & Porcio, two pigs)

Pigs                We eat!

Prodigio        I hunger! Where shall I find food ?

Pigs                 We eat!

Prodigio        I hunger greatly! (rumbling, off)

Pigs                 We eat!

Prodigio        I hunger; I get me hence;

                       this scene doth stick like an barbéd gimlet 

                       in mine craw (exits)

Scene Two:   A Farm (as before)

(Enter Paterno & Prodigio)

(Duet)

Paterno        My son!

Prodigio       My employer?

Paterno        My son!

Prodigio       I emplore thee, my employer?

Paterno        My son!

Prodigio       My father! (they embrace)

Paterno       Here’s a ring, a ring, a ring-a-ding,

                      a ring-a-ding-a-ding a-dingio!

                      Here’s a coat for your fine, broad shoulders

                      And shoes for your wandering feet and

                      Around you my arms I fling, a-fling, a-flingio!

Prodigio      But my father, I am no longer wor…

Paterno       Oh, my son, you live, return, and bring me joy,                     

                     Such joy! Such lightness of heart

                     And abandon of glee.

(Enter many Villagers, with pipes and dancing trousers)

Prodigio      (reprise) I hunger!

Paterno       I slaughter the calf in your honour;

                     You were dead but now you live!

                     Yea, I was in a spin withal

                     But now the calf spins substitutional.

                     We lost you when this farming life you quit

                     Now the fat calf spins roastingly upon a spit.

Prodigio      I was lost, lost, so lost!

Paterno       You are found, discovered, unearthed!

Prodigio      I was dead to you!

Paterno       Yet now you live ! You li-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ve !

                     You are alive ! You live, live, live, live, live!

                     But the calf

                     O most decidedly, most deliciously, does not!

Prodigio      I live!

(finis)