Catch phrases

from TV sitcoms, game shows & movies

Listen very carefully; I shall say this only once.[1]

The son asked his father for his inheritance. ‘This time next year, we’ll be millionaires[2].’

His father was gracious enough not to say ‘You stupid boy[3],’ or ‘Oh behave![4]’ but handed over the cash. Lots of it. Loadsamoney[5].

The boy immediately left for Dissipation City, with a ‘Hi-de-hi![7]’ and saying ‘I’m free![7] Yeah baby![8]’

He spent with abandon, just like that[9]. His so-called friends included many show girls (shwing[10]), and after a brief introduction (‘How you doin’?[11]’) there was immorality (nudge, nudge, wink, wink; say no more[12], you dirty old man[13]). But his money ran out and then the pound had another bad day in the exchanges[14]. There was famine in the land thanks to a bit of a cock-up on the catering front[15] and many were ill (oh, matron![16]).

The boy took a job tending pigs; doh![17] ‘Am I bothered?[18] Actually, yes. That’s another fine mess you’ve gotten me into[19],’ he thought to himself. ‘Aha![20] I didn’t get where I am today by wanting to eat pig pods[21]. Yeah, but no, but yeah[22]…’ and then he had a revelation, as if God said ‘I have a cunning plan[23].’ He realised his father’s men ate well, so he could return and be a worker.

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him. ‘I don’t believe it![24]’ he said at first, but then ran to greet his boy. ‘Hallo, good evening, and welcome[25]. Returning has scored you points, and what do points make? Prizes![26]’ He showered him with gifts. ‘Here’s some shoes and a coat. And now for something completely different[27] – a ring! Say what you see[28]… and let’s kill the fatted calf, (Cowabunga[29], the silly old moo[30]) because there’s nothing like a bit of bully[31]. Oh, it’s nice to see you, to see you, nice![32]’

The calf was roasted by a fire that was scorchio[33]. The father threw a party. ‘My son (seems like a nice boy[34]) has returned to me, to you[35]. Come on down[36] and have some more meat – ah go on![37] And a wafer thin mint[38]; it’s all done in the best possible taste[39]. He was lost but our survey said uh-urgh[40]! 3-2-1[41] and he’s found. I’m not a having a dead son person[42]. Didn’t he do well?[43] We were on a break[44], but now he’s lovely jubbly[45]. That’s all folks[46], so it’s goodnight from me and it’s goodnight from him[47] – shoulders back, lovely boy, show ‘em off, show ‘em off[48].’

Character name in bold; show title in italic; * indicates performer as himself
[1] Michelle Dubois ‘Allo ‘Allo; 

[2] Del Boy Trotter Only Fools and Horses; 

[3] Captain Mainwaring Dad’s Army; [4] Austin Powers movies; [6] Saturday Live character; [7] Gladys Pugh Hi Di Hi; 

[7] Mr Humphries Are you Being Served?; [8] Austin Powers movies; [9] Tommy Cooper* [10] Wayne Campbell Wayne’s World; [11] Joey Tribbiani Friends; [12] Norman Monty Python’s Flying Circus; [13] Harold Steptoe & Son; [14] TV announcer Yes, Minister/Yes, Prime Minister; [15] Jimmy Anderson The Fall & Rise of Reginald Perrin; [16] multiple characters played by Kenneth Williams, Carry On movies; 

[17] Homer The Simpsons; [18] Lauren Cooper Catherine Tate character; [19] Oliver Hardy, Laurel & Hardy movies; [20] Alan Partridge Knowing Me, Knowing You with Alan Partridge; [21] CJ The Fall & Rise of Reginald Perrin; [22] Vicky Pollard Little Britain; [23] Baldrick Blackadder series; 

[24] Victor Meldrew One Foot in the Grave; [25] David Frost* The Frost Report; [26] Bruce Forsythe* Play Your Cards Right; [27] Continuity Announcer Monty Python’s Flying Circus; [28] Roy Walker* Catchphrase; [29] Michelangelo Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; [30] Alf Garnett Til Death Us Do Part; [31] Jim Bowen* Bullseye; [32] Bruce Forsythe* 

[33] Poula Phish (weathergirl, Chanel 9 Neus) The Fast Show; [34] Larry Grayson* The Generation Game; [35] The Chuckle Brothers; [36] announcer The Price is Right; [37] Mrs Doyle Father Ted; [38] Maitre d’ Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life (arguably not a catch phrase, but a memorable line); [39] Cupid Stunt The Kenny Everett Television Show; [40] Bob Monkhouse*/Max Bygraves*/Les Dennis*/Vernon Kay*, Family Fortunes; [41] Ted Rodgers*, 3-2-1; [42] Tom Patterson The Fall & Rise of Reginald Perrin; [43] Bruce Forsythe*, The Generation Game; [44] Ross Geller Friends; [45] Del Boy Trotter Only Fools and Horses; [46] Porky Pig Looney Tunes cartoon series; [47] Ronnie Corbett* & Ronnie Barker*, The Two Ronnies; [48] Battery Sergeant Major ‘Shuttup’ Williams It Ain’t Half Hot, Mum