Action

Grasping son slouched off with father’s money. He moved rapidly away, and then danced and quaffed with abandon. Folding, jangling cash ran out.

Famine crept in. Bowel spasmed noisily. Pigs troughed with élan; boy glanced and salivated. Thoughts tumbled through his mind and he stood up and walked decisively.

Trudging home, he was seen by Father, who ran and ran until he reached his son. Vast hugs and kissing followed, as he put a ring on his finger, buttoned up a coat, buckled up his shoes, slaughtered the calf and threw a party. Boogie nights ensued.

Father waved his cup of wine, arms in the air. ‘My son was lying cold and dead; now he is living to the full!’

Blurb

A wild roller-coaster ride of inner turmoil;

foolish Prodigio Certainman takes his inheritance

and wastes it, with hilarious consequences.

But little does he know that famine

and a form of swinefever are just around the corner…

Will he return as a servant?

Should his father permit him?

And where do the ring, the coat,

the calf and the shoes fit in?

There’s argument, foreign travel, wild living,

hardship, employment, revelation, humility,

welcoming and celebration,

with food and drink and dancing girls.

A classic, sprawling, sizzling, passionate,

block-busting story in a range of locations,

displaying unconditional love, prodigality,

repentence, forgiveness, butchery,

death and life.

Have you prepared yourself

for the adventure??

Greek etymology

words of Greek basis

Analogous Bible anecdote of a barbarian:

An apostate character of cynical ego dialogued with his angelic, noble, agrarian Pater ‘Take abacus, do Arithmetic, give me sphene [1].’ With thermic agape-love, he did.

Xenophilia-boy changed geography and architecture, and was unethical, drastic, encyclopaedically idiotic. Met Harmony, (aromatic terpsichore, anarchic thespian); soon the symbolic cash was lost. Anathema! Macroeconomic catastrophe: all arthropods had pathetic lack of oncology, with anatomical muscle – gut agony. Dehydrated anorexic tetrapods with halitosis and a dermatitis syndrome ate a blastoid, gangrenous anthology of carcinogens, toxic post-heliotropic pericarps of anxious taxonomy. Melancholy dilemma: a psychological zephyr gave pedagogic nostalgia.

‘Make anastrophe out of asylum homogeneity. To arcadian utopia! Be loosed, xenophobia!’

Yet on horizon, at perimeter, boy’s seen synchronously in Panorama. Apology… Dad gives metal; cosmetic plethora; slaughters gigantic Taurus by gash method.

Rejoicing with asparagus, absinthe and zither melody.

‘I’m necrophobic… peril of physician; tragedy; autopsy; sarcophagus. Boy’s euthanasia, even. Axiomatically, not! How therapeutic! Zealous theology and rhetoric: join my rhapsody, psalmody, doxology to our authentic God on his throne!’

[1] wedge

Latin etymology

words from Latin roots

Affiliate’s audacious petition: ‘Yield bonus generationally.’ Possessing un-animosity, Pater concurred; indulged him. Puerile prodigal abandoned villa.

Different location: civilians, motivated by avarice, spent ridiculously. Circumstances of maximum frugality produced pessimism, subsequently (consequently) fortune declined and all hominids were malnourished.

Animals of porcine description were gustatory, consuming effluent-covered, malignant vegetables. ‘My future appears terrible; I’m cogitation-obliged.’ In non-aural manner, revelation occurred.

Infant gently battered his forehead. ‘Action! Vowing to regress to personal former domicile, in a future position: mercenary. I’ll not compete fraternally.’

He departed the suburb, and was a fatigued, lachrymose, pedestrian (no transport) on the pavement, continuously at a distance trans-terrain. Commenced his plea, but ocularly-ultra-potent Papa exonerated him, expressing benevolence.

‘You’re my jurisdiction’s priority; I volunteer fashion items and Au circumference for your digit. Invite the villagers and sacrifice, ignite, fumigate and oblate the pulchritudinous bovine of infinite form. Feast!

‘Observe, ponder virile offspring… I was offered condolences (and grieving obituary!) Vitality’s abandoned causes necrological.

‘Passionate glory, laud & honour to our Deity!’

Christian Vegetarian Society

A son took his father’s money and went far away, where he spent it all on nut cutlets, bean stew, lentil soup, falafel and soda bread, as well as gambling and loose women.

Soon all the money was gone and he was hungry, as there was also a famine in the land. He was at such a low ebb that he even took a job looking after some of those delightful creations Sus scrofa domesticus, known as pigs – cruelly held in captivity, abused with rotting vegetables. His hunger made him envy the pigs’ food, but he respected their inalienable rights and refrained from eating.

He decided to go home, where even the hired men were given corn, alfalfa and couscous. He set off, planning a speech about not being worthy to be called a son. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him, and ran to kiss him. He gave him a gold ring, a coat and fabric shoes for his feet. He threw a party, featuring matted half [1] -quorn-half-soya casserole, plus tofu, mung beans, polenta, jacket potatoes, vegeburgers, quinoa, and rennet-free cheese.

‘This my son was lost but is found; he was dead but is alive again!’

[1] Jesus uses an expression to kill the fatted calf, but please remember: a) this was a story, and no animal died; b) the expression symbolises merrymaking and celebration. If one uses the phrase ‘to kill two birds with one stone’ no one expects any of our feathered friends to be harmed. It is quite clear that Jesus is definitely not endorsing any form of factory farming

Future

Much later on, villagers will revel, since the calf will be fattened for the purpose of being killed, roasted, carved and served in baps (this will be understood in years to come as predestination).

Meanwhile, the son will ask his father for his share of the inheritance, and the father will dish it out. The son will go off and blow all the loot in no time, and then he’ll begin to suffer when famine strikes the land.

He’ll get a job looking after pigs, and he’ll even wish to eat their food. Eventually, he’ll come to his senses and he’ll decide to return home, repentant.

He’ll make his way, but before he can get to the place, his father will run down the road and will hug him, give him a ring, a coat, shoes and throw a party.

He’ll rejoice greatly at the end, saying ‘My son will have been dead, but oh, he will be alive for a while yet!

Diacritical marks

He asked his father to divide his wealth, and once he’d asked the question, Mark got his request. He hung up his working clothes (the ones in which he’d often tilde the soil) on some square brackets and took his fraction, wrapped in a handkerchief and tied with a ligature.

His expectation for the amount of fun he could have with the money was close to infinity, greater than the reality. He went to a local bar with all sorts of party people, including one girl, a screamer, who loved, to a degree, to receive any kind of flower, (but particularly liked receiving an Aster). Risk followed gamble several times; his cash came to a full stop. He was left with neither jot nor tittle.

He tended hogs, and in his parietal lobe lusted after filling his belly (including his colon) with the hash the pigs were eating. Many of the hogs had a scar on their flanks...

He came to his senses like a bullet, pointed at a target, and this speech marks the moment he realized: ‘I, er, have been an, um, lout. I am less than worthy to be called a son, so I’ll ask to be a servant. Then we will be all square. Roots are a vital factor. I zealously desire to be home.’

But while he was still a long way off (beyond the intersection), signs were showing that his father saw him coming and went to greet him at a dash; he threw his curly brackets around him and the way he kissed him with his (yes, motivated by love’s compel) lips, is the stuff of legend.

He gave him a ring and a coat, plus shoes and killed the calf. So he really did dot the i’s and cross the t’s.

Father, standing at an angle, quotes in his upper-class accent ‘My son was deuced ill and now he’s well!’

Then he added, as if in parentheses ‘He was in the grave, but now his life is acute!’

divide   / 

question mark   ? 

tilde    ~

square brackets.   [ ]

fraction    eg ½, ¾

ligature [1]   eg æ

infinity   ∞

greater than   > 

bar [2]   |

screamer [3]    ! 

degree   as in 100°

asterisk   *

times   x

full stop   . 

jot   above i or j

tittle   through t

obelus (formal divide sign: colon centred vertically and horizonally on a minus sign; unicode character 61624)

colon   :

hash   #

caron [4]   ˘ as in ř

curly brackets   { }

ellipsis [5]   …

ring   as in å

plus   +

dot i’s, cross t’s   i,t

angle quotes [6]   « »

bullet point   •

speech marks   “

umlout   ¨ as in ü

less than   <

square root   √

factorize   !

section sign   § 

at   @

dash   en – em —

accent   eg ´ `

cedilla    as in ç

parentheses    ( )

grave   ` as in è

acute   ´ as in é

[1] joining two letters (originally for typographical neatness)

[2] general term for any diacritial mark - horizontal, diagonal or vertical

[3] newspaper editorial slang for an exclamation mark

[4] eg the Hungarian composer Antonín Dvořák

[5] indicates an omission (or in dialogue, an interruption)

[6] indicating speech in, eg French & Catalan text; also called guillemets