Qwerty

typewriter keyboard dictates the subsequent initial

‘Quite well-off economically,’ replied the young upstart.

Inheritance openly paraded around select Dissipationville fun-spots. Gross hedonism, jaunts, knockout laughter… zounds! X-rated cavorting, very bad.

No more quids: wild excessiveness reverts to yawning uncomfortableness (internal); opulence prematurely abated. Son deserted; feeds grim-hog. Joyless kibbutz life. Zoom! Xenophobia consumes venously. ‘Back now! My quiescent work establish repentantly.’

Toils young upstart, in open poverty and some distress. ‘Father, give hireling job…’

Kaftan; loafers; zillion x’s cover voyaging boy. ‘Nice meat; quail, with eggs.

Respect to Yahweh!’

Threnodials

using only the 11 most-used letters in the alphabet: A D E H I L N O R S & T

Intro: the dad’s stash raided, his son sailed north.

Soon he’s lathered and trashed at the hotel.

Ladies/Harlots: Anne, Delia, Enid, Hannah, Iris, Leanne, Nadine, Odette, Rhiannon, Stella and Tina.

No dosh… short rations… all are lots thinner: hostile ordeals.

Lardiest snorters near drains. All hail senses as son realises details: hired hands are diners. I’ll arise and tell Dad ‘Laird: I - not a son…’ So he trailed.

He’s still distant as Dad ran (honest!) o’er the lea. Shoes, hold, dhoti, hold, O on hand…

Ale, Deli, Ethanol, Hot-roasted Israeli-rare Loin ‘N’ Onions, Radishes, Sardines on Toast.

‘Son died; air inhaler! Son lost; retains, on throne! Holiest Lord is not denied!’

Anagramatical

using only the letters in the title The Prodigal Son   a d e g h i l n o p r s t

One o’ the Lord’s gospel stories:

‘Loot, please!’ son said, and departed north on a trip. He had pints and shots in the posh Grand Hotel. Sheila, Linda, headstrong April, Lisa, Portia, Sharon, longhaired Stephanie, Angelina, Gail, Doreen (soprano), Glenda, Leigh the phrenologist, Olga, Edith (isn’t she the red hot hairdo girl?), thin Daphne, Diana – this is an harlot plethora, or a shedload o’ geishas ­– pert Rhoda, Dinah (alto), Sophie, Gloria the gondolier and Delia (pretties). Spooned; had eros’ rhinohorn (rather aphrodesial), and got plastered.

Danger: less loot. Great danger: no loot. Ordeal!

He is soon in a drool-plight; eating pigs’ horrid slop? No, – it’s poison-dosage! Shoo! Loathing. Gosh, stop, lad, as senses are inspired. Dad’s hirelings eat… I’ll arise, hope he pardons in pathos. Not right to plead as son.

Pastoral Dad has long distant sight in garden; his heart leaps. Ran, ardent. Lad had not said his phrase… attire, shoes (galoshes), gold ring o’ingot.

‘Roast dingo loin, pigeon, gander! Protein and aloo gosht, alongside haslet, grapes, hotdogs, pralines!’ he said. ‘I’ll greet all as host. Dear son lost… ghost? No! Delighted – lad I adore not dead! All atoned: I’ll do a little readopting. Praise the rootin’ tootin’ Lord!’ 

Prosody acrosstic reduced

initials spell out, repeatedly, Lost

Lately, one son told loving Old Stager ‘Thanks! Largeness of sums: tremendous!’ Languished opulently: suppers, tombolas, lovers, overspending, shopping, texas-hold-‘em (licentious-ness or selfishness?). Terribly, loot-out; suffering total.

Looked oh, so thin! Landed ‘orrible sow-tending life. On second Thursday longed often ‘Slop titbits? Look okay...’

Silly teenager later on saw twinkling lights of spirituality. ‘Those labourers on slap-up tea! Let’s obviate some tummyrumbles,’ leaving. Off, south. Travels.

Looked out, several times. Lo! Offspring!… surrounded, took lip (osculatory) smacks, trinkets, loafers, overcoat.

Soon, travels lately over, satisfied to let overdone sirloins taste lovely. ‘Once sought; then lured out somewhat! Thought lifeless or stiff; then lively! Omnipotent saviour, thou, Lord! Oh salute, thanks!’

Irritable vowel syndrome

no vowels, or only one per word (repeats permitted). Thank the Lord for y!

‘Oh, I do ask that,’ says Son, so Dad’s dividing his farm in twelfths (not sevenths), giving cash to him.

‘Wysiwyg,’ Pa says.

The lad felt this disinhibiting, and did primitivistic Philistinisms on isthmi far away, in a suburb of the big City. Not thrifty! All shillings spend on cards, food and nymphs who screeched, etc. Wild to the Nth degree.

Chronology: Spent all; hungry; GDP = Nil; took a job with a craftsman/beekeeper who kept – anathama! – pigs. Instinctivistic disliking? Yes, but needs must. Longs for pods; then God got to his psychorhythms and his senses went ping.

‘Grr,’ he growls. ‘I am a numbskull! Dad’s men feed every day. I shall go home and ask him if I can serve.’ Humbly mumbly ‘I’m not worthy, OK?’

Limping long thro’ moon’s decresence, and tho’ still a long way off, (past the cwm), seen by Dad. He runs, greets with no tsktsking, but schmaltz: kissing, giving gifts of boots, a DJ (with good stitching), gold jewellery (a ring). Lad is defenceless, happy – this is not untruthful.

Dad’s cry: ‘Let’s throw a party with taramasalata, beef, all sorts of borschts. Mmm, plus schnapps with effervescence! And a band of thesps to give us a show: the play Chrononhotonthologos. And a pygmy band playing polyrhythms, so we may sing hymns! Woo hoo! Look: syzygy… my son was lost but is here! He is living, tho’ before he had many strengthlessnesses!’

Prosody acrosstic, reversed

initials spell out, repeatedly, noSlagidorPehT

‘Nevertheless, one shall leave after gaining inheritance, Dad.’ Opportunist Ralph proved eager, hoping, tasting, nudging (or sometimes losing) and gambling, incurring debt! Oh, real poverty… Everyone’s hungry, there’s no organic-slash-legume-agrarian green items distributable.

Our Ralph properly employed: Hog Tending/Nurturing Operative (Second Level). After gruel is dispensed, oh, revolting-pod-envy! Has transforming neurological-occipital-senses ‘lightning.

‘Arise, go into Dad’s old racket; perhaps even hireling, too…’ Now off!

Seen, lad’s assailed: gifts include diamond-opal ring, pecks, espadrilles, housecoat.

‘Tables! Neighbours! Openly slay large animal – gyrate, incinerate! Damsons, oysters, raspberries, profiteroles, eggs, horseradish! The news of son’s lostness appalled; God is determining our restored prolonged enjoyment. Hallelujah! Thanks!’

Prosody acrosstic

initials spell out, repeatedly, TheProdigalSon

Taking his entitlement precipitously, Richard officially decided  ‘I’ll go and live sumptuously, opulently!’ 

Northwards-trekking, had everything packed. Ravers, opportunists, drunks, immature girls and lazy spongers of  nubile types had extreme pleasure, really often. Disaster!

‘It’s gone! And look, so’s our national turnover… hunger, extreme Poverty refocuses our dreams…’

In greatly appalling life- shifts of nasty turns, he envied pigs recently offered Dirty, inedible Gruel. And lo! Senses overcome!

‘Numerate those hired employees,’ philosophized Richard, of Dad’s…

Ignobly groveling and like someone of no tribute, how’s entreated Pater refusing offer? Decided. I’m gonna arise.’ Later, seen on neighbouring thoroughfare.

His excited Pa ran, offered donations including gold, and leather sandals. ‘Oh never-trashed hope! Enjoy – prepared roasting of Daisy! I’ll give a lavish social occasion! Napkins! Trestles! Heartfelt, euphoric public refuting of death! I grieved as lost; seems overwhelming, now!’

Chain letters

the last letter of each word provides the first letter of the next; all letters used. Starts with Q, ends with Z, for convenience

Quite enthusiastic, cynical, looting grab? Bleak Keanu upset the elder rudely, youthfully yearning. ‘Give early yields!’ (sad); demanded denarii inheritance eagerly. You’ll love extremes; such handkerchief for riches sufficed. Dissipation (nomadic, complex, xenophobic) City… young girls smooching, gambling, gourmandising. Gone!

Endless starvation now worries some; employment trouble. Engaged down near rubbish hog greenery; yams smell long gone. Eat trough-hash? Had dramatic cranial lightening; God display. ‘You’ll leave – eventually you’ll loom, missed …’

Dad, diligent to observe extra-aloof-faraway youths; sees son! Nigh hurries, shouting ‘Glory! You’re even now wearing great tailoring! Got to offer rings, shoes…’ Son now would dance, eat, took kisses… ‘So, offer roast to our retro-organic calf (fatted)! Declare!’

Everyone enjoys superb bap preserve. ‘Enough hygenic chickpea (adj) jam, most tasty! Yes, son near reaching grave; even now – wonderful – luv, vital, living! Give energetic chorus; sing God’s special love!’ Enough! Honeycomb buzz!’

Acrostic (reverse diagonal)

each of the 24 lines has 24 characters. 24th letter of 1st line, 23rd letter of 2nd line etc. spells key words

REPENTANCE AND RESTORATION

24  Son’s greed demands of fatheR

23  ‘Give me my share of your monEy’ -

22 gets a third of the princiPal.

21 He enthusiastically spEnds

20 on wanton women and driNking –

19  wastes all being a parTygoer.

18  He’s financially cleAned out!

17 No cash, no friends aNd no hope.

16 Famine causes all Concern. No

15 Income: he shall gEt a farm job.

14  Hungry, sad boy wAnts pigfeed:

13  decides filliNg his stomach

12  With those poDs not good idea

11  Could be a seRvant now at home…

10  Having comE now to his senses

9  ‘I will ariSe, leave and go back;

8  say to faTher: I am confessing

7  my sin tO you. I’m not any longer,

6  dad, woRthy to be known as a son.’

5   His fAther saw him when he was

4  disTant. He ran, embraced, gave

3  a rIng, pair of shoes and a coat.

2  ‘GOod news! A lost son came back:

1  Now he is alive, no longer dead!’

acknowledgements to Perec's Life: A User's Guide chapter 51

Acrostic (diagonal)

each of the 24 lines has 24 characters. 1st letter of 1st line, 2nd letter of 2nd line etc. spells the key words

SIN REVELATION FORGIVENESS

1    ‘Share out your wealth with me,’

2    hIs brash boy demands. Concur.

3    SoN took the cash; spent it all

4    on dRinking and prostitutes.

5    O so vEry quickly, he was broke.

6    One seVere famine struck the

7    whole rEgion. Deserted by all

8    ex-so-calLed friends, he made a

9    plan: take A job on a pig farm. He

10  longed to sTuff himself, just

11  like those pIgs, with the pods…

12  Suddenly recOgnising utter

13  disasters, he uNderstands he

14  might go home to Father’s farm,

15  not asking for a sOn’s welcome

16  ‘The truth? I am unwoRthy.’ While

17  his boy was yet a lonG walk off,

18  the farmer saw him. ‘He Is alive!’

19  Demonstrating his loVe - gave

20  him a hug, a coat, some shoEs and

21  one ring to wear on his fiNger.

22  ‘Partying with many of my nExt

23  door neighbours; my son was So

24  dead but now he’s alive! CheerS!’

acknowledgements to Perec's Life: A User's Guide chapter 51

Keyboard: alternating hands

one of qwerty/asdfg/zxcvb alternates with one of uiop/hjkl/nm

‘Dismantlement of my land?’ Endowment o’ boy (name Len). Dosh spent.

       

Work with toxic pens-pals; suspensorial – authenticity! Pa kept ’is own visual vigil.

       

Len: ‘A – make me j... an hand?’

       

‘I shan’t, son! Ale! Cow!’

       

‘O, sick? Ah, leptothricosis [1] or leucocytozoans [2]? Nah!’



[1] Obsolete term for a pulmonary abscess or blood poisoning caused by same
[2] A form of bird-flu

UnOrIEntAlly sUbcOntInEntAl

vowels in omegapsi-ical order

‘Thus, gold is easy,’ quoting each unorientally ugly coin, Ed was humbly told.

‘This extra turn-on I’ll spend,’ and unto City he walks.

But to ideals: up to fill’d/eat/drunk/rowdy/kissed… hard-up. Oh, his dear duos find eau going east.

Hungry folk. 

His earplugs do ring: ‘Eat thus of pig’s eggy a-quoited mash? But old hireds (dad’s)’ – tut – ‘do dine amply.’

Run of life; a-hug, shod, kiss, enwrap… button it!

‘Eat subcontinental rump! Or ingest hash! Up, down (his search). Bury boy? I grew sad – uncomplimentary – but now I’m really up! Loving the lad!’