street, innit?

For real, hear me now…

Da home boy asked ‘iz batty geeza f’r iz inher’tance, which ‘e let rip an’ spent on wild livin’. For real, like spliffs an fit hoo’s an’ a massive an’ back at ya an’ stuff…

Famine struk, so ‘e look for work – an’ e smell bacon. ‘E longed to eat da mingin pods dey wuz givun. ‘E came to iz senses.

‘Wicked! Ma geeza’s ‘ired bruvers iz well fed. I iz gonna arise an’ go turf an’ wurk dere, coz I iz gangsta, not son, innit?’ Well in ya face.

While ‘e wuz still da long way off, iz batty geeza seun I is an’ ran to greet I is. ‘E gave I is shoes, da tommy hilfinga threds, da big-time bling an tings an’ kill da fatted calf.

‘My son wuz lost an’ iz found; ‘e wuz stiff but iz alive! Shout out, big up an’ ‘nuf respect ter big man in der clouds, innit?’

Germanglicisation

ich bin ein Jerusalemer

‘Mein irresponsiblinherritance. Schnell, bitte.’

‘Ja.’

‘Danke schön.’

Helmut fritter commercialbillet until walletkaput.

Gutzecho und visibleribs – Helmut employink mit schwein schloppenpodsintslurreyfoulenmess. Donner und blitzen! Synapsen illumenmomentizalia: riesen meuppen und spricht to Herren ‘Chestenpumpenemotiounworth-inessfeelink – servantmehirenfee, bitte.’

Bisher stillen ausländisch, Papa seht, und is runnink.

Helmut sprichted ‘Herren…’ aber Vater unterbrechen mit gross huggink, kussink, pumpsoles, mantel und blingblink-sparklinkvaluables.

Den kattle ist bratwürst mit saurkraut, frankfurters, pumpernickel brot, pretzels, schnitzel mit noodles, strudel, schartzwald kirschetorte und pilsner, hock und shnapps.

‘Kinder heartbeathaltenshocken; achtung kinder heart-beatstartenspritzen!’

Fraffly earppacrus'

received Pronunciation for the cravat generation:think plum/silver spoon.

Sec ondsunad raissdthe aildbuy ‘O Pater, ma-igh takem einhertnce?’ Heargrd.

Son wears tudall hisma nyeyon wildliving – yungsh avalorst hiscash inacasein ohanbigetting squiffy. Hewusoon bayerncrpt, antoca pital, ballyfam enstruck.

Hetook ajob teahndin pigsand ibslutlylornged t’eat therfood. He cameteris senses anthought ‘Pater’s unworshed hahdmin vorll gotplen teat’ete. I’llgoan ahrse kPater’fie canwerk frim.’

Soey maydisweigh, dohn tyaner?

Wharlie wastil alorng way orf, hispater sorim and ranter greetim. He gievima kissanna paerrashoos, plus huntin’ pinks and anairl oomfamlahr ingfrisfingah. Heek illd thaf’tid carve an throughash indig.

‘Thisma sonwas lorstbut is fayend; he was did, but na heesalaif!’

Dog-Latin

Puer spectat pater. ‘Digitalis mespondulix, Padris et nunc dimittis [1].’ Exeunt.

       

Prodigali amor distaffi (Sabinii) – venatus, vino. Nationalis consumabiles nix est.

       

Jamb mange; puer covet. Deciduo residus: ‘Raisant et Peternum returno. Proletarium offerandus.’

       

Distancicus midstrum, Pater spectat puer (nix fenestra) et hurrium. Donatum coat, ringus, sandellum et obesii-cow slaughtero-rosti-slicico.

         

Pater dix ‘Progenicum mort — vivatum!’

[1] couldn’t resist this reference to the Anglican evensong anthem which begins ‘Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace.’ Strictly, ‘dismiss me now’

Welsh dialect influence

Geraint went to his father Jones the Sheep and said ‘Come by here, look you; I’m leaving the valley and I want my share.’ He gave a tidy sum to his boyo, who Gwent out of Llanfairfechan faster than you can say blast furnace. Ach y fi [1].

Geraint frittered the cash on beer and babes, isn’t it? He didn’t look after the money very Caerphilly. Famine struck the Vale of Aberystwyth and he had to go and care for porkers, which were eating leeks, daffodils and Llanberis.

He cursed ‘Oh, Blanau Ffestinniog!’

Eventually, his head had a rrrrevival [2], and he decided to go bach to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio-goggoch, preparing a speech that was rather slummocky.

But his father saw him while he was still a long way Offa. Look you, he ran to him and gave him a ring, sandals, a robe and killed the calf, whose stomach was Rhondda than it had been before, isn’t it? He threw a right shindig, with the local Male Voice Choir and everything. Oh, there’s lovely! Father said ‘My son was dead, but now he’s alive again, surely to goodness! Shoulders back, lovely boy.’

[1] traditional Welsh expression of disgust; literally: ‘Don’t lick your fingers until you’ve washed your hands, isn’t it, Blodwin, there’s nasty’ or something similar

[2] traditional rolled r or alveolar trill: voiced oral vibrations of the tongue against the alveolar ridge while the vocal cords are also vibrating

Aussie

Bruce gavis Bruce a wedger wonga.

Rapt, Bruce goes walkabout with a few toobs of Fosters an’ a crowd of Sheilas an’ loses the lot. Oh yea, he stuffs it up, proper.

Nah-one was throwingany thingon any barbie, and Bruce check taht the porkchop tuckerbucket. It was rhiype futher dunny!

Chane jdiz mine dan’ wennome.

Tryterer pologise, buttiz Bruce gave himmer ring, coat, shoes anna party, with a thickst ache innas ors – roo ‘n’ a roux.

‘Bonzer! I’m stoked! Mison wozzer stiff, but nowee’s ripper!’

Franglais

Le garçon dit a son père ‘Bonjour! Donnez-moi l’argent qui est donné à moi quand votre morte, s’il vous plait.’

Le fermier d’accord, et son fils allezed via à la sortie, rapidement. Il commence le vivre sauvage, qui involvé les mademoiselles de virtu facile (qui est trés, très mauvais, parce que très, très sportif), Vingt et Un, Baccarat, Chemin de Fer, cognac, le champagne, et beaucoup de grand déjeuner Cordon Bleu, avec juliennes, poussin, les haricots français, pommes de terre rosti, divers joux et plus de vin du table. Tout d’argent frite-ered, et les femmes chèries dépardue.

Sans francs, sans amis, sans crêpe. Fils regardez les jambons. Manger pigswill est inderdit (parce que, malheuresement, il est très macabre). Poof! un révèlation. Les domestiques du Papa mange… J’ascendai, allez a nous champs des animaux, et dit ‘Je suis non meritante appellé fils; employez-vous moi, si vous plait, a prolétariat…’

Il returnez a la maison, mais Papa voyez à point de avantage, et arrivé tout de vittesse. Papa donnez un ring d’or, un vestment, les flip-flops et bifsteak.

Maintenant, le party revellais avec mille feuilles, sorbets, fondants, roulards, sachertorte, tarte tartin, profiteroles – patisserie variouse – et créme anglaise, et plus de chocolat.

‘Mon fils etait perdu ; il sont trouvé ! Il etait mort; mais vive mon fils! Donnez-vous plus de merci-biens a mon Dieu, ou est très magnifique!’

Scottish Dialect

[1] Aye, yon ken wee bonny bairn says tae pappy ‘Hoots, mon! D’ye nae ha’ a care for me? Gist ma BoS banknotes, sharp, if ye will.’ 

‘Nae, laddie, ye cannae. Now, fetch me another Arbroath smokie, a plate o’ ye mam’s tatty scones and a wee dram.’ 

So he bides well at home in the highlands, stirring hi’ salty porridge widdershins [2] wi’ a spurtle and learning tae play the bagpipes.

[1] See also Fugue, Tragedy, Comedy and What if? stories in the Plots category. In these cases, the outcome of the parable has been influenced by the literary construction, rather than the other way about. Do not under any circumstances use these examples as though they were the teachings of Jesus; they fail properly to reflect the Father’s forgiveness, love, generosity or kindness.

[2] anti-clockwise