Friday 30 September 2011

What if?

the story might divert at various junctions; all are unsatisfactory outcomes; none teach us truth about God

Spending
Boy asked for his inheritance, and father agreed. The boy took the money and spent most of it in wild living, but was robbed at knifepoint for the rest. The robber stabbed the boy and he bled to death on a pavement in the seedier part of Dissipation City. The father never heard about this, and kept watch everyday for several years.

Famine-fodder
Boy took his inheritance and spent it all in wild living in Dissipation City. But famine struck and the boy died as a result.

More wealth than we imagine
Boy took his inheritance and spent it all in excessive, wild living, dining out, gambling, sexual impropriety and drunkenness. There was so much wealth that he managed to survive for 38 years before the cash was all gone; unfortunately this coincided with a famine. The boy worked on a pig farm untl he came to his senses and went home to be an hired hand, as he was no longer worthy to be called a son. But when he got home, he discovered his father had been dead for several years and the farmland had been redeveloped into a village. There was no job for him, no forgiveness, no gifts, no hugs, no celebrations, no resolution. He moved on, but died later the same year, a broken man, exhausted with partying; now penniless and alone.

Victim of Pod
Boy took his inheritance and spent it all in wild living until the famine struck. He took a job tending pigs, and longed to eat their food. He did so, got food poisoning, and died.

Forgot Heritage
Boy took his inheritance and spent it all. He refrained from eating the pigs’ food. But he came to his senses, became a Gentile and lived on pig pods until the famine was over. Then he settled down in Dissipation City.

Makes it a career move
Boy spent his inheritance. He longed to eat pigs’ food but came to his senses and took a better job at a government-run food distribution centre. He went on to manage the food centre until the famine was over, and then established a chain of fast-food outlets called Pod U Like, serving gammon ham with mange tout in pitta breads. He never returned.

Rejected
Boy spent all, came to his senses and went home. Father had bolted the gate, and told son since he had chosen to leave, he must fend for himself. He took a job on another farm, but always regretted his foolish, selfish youth.

Not Restored
Boy spent cash, came to senses and humbled himself. Father was pleased the boy was still alive and gave him a job on the farm, feeding the calf, as a hired man. They didn’t get on, and after a while the son took another job elsewhere.

Asserted Sonship
Boy wasted cash and had a revelation. He knew his father would have to take him back, since he was, after all, his son. His father did, of course, because he felt he had to do so, and the son was treated as a member of the family once again. But there was always resentment, guilt and fear between them, and neither was very happy.

Thursday 29 September 2011

Fugue


a musical form, wherein a theme is stated and recounted
with many variations, in ever-changing keys and voices, as in a dream

The humble repenter who was welcomed home by the forgiving father started by asking for the money and, with a smile, I received it, thanks to the pigfarmer and the lost/found status he was later to be given by my son’s father.
                  
Money is shoved into a bag made of calfskin, and spreads around the farm with great joy and celebration, thanks to the wild women, the coat and the coinage itself, which was inspirational.
                  
Furthermore the calf died and so did all the pigs and so do the dancing girls and then the father smiled again having seen the villagers from his high vantage point and the occurrence of a famine which ravages the land and killed the pigs and he rejoiced greatly at the decaying husks with whom the calf was partying and running.
                  
‘My boy was lost, and took my farm and spent his pods with wild living (although he was dead and encountered a famine and shoes, a coat, a ring and a kiss with inspiration, arising, hunger, setting off and prepared speech).’
                  
Found spent, I saw was he far joyful, second, go to, tending, fatted, he the is but they she says give envy spend run ring wild he him he it they she him he.                  
                  
Running a farm wasn’t straightforward, as the cash will flow from income to bartenders and croupiers, while women danced with freedom and sandals.
                  
He kissed him. He kissed her. She kissed him. They kissed them. I’ll kiss pods. You’ll kiss calf. You’ss kill calf.
                  
Then the boy left and went home and left and went to Dissipation City and then left and right sandals and a coat and a coat of paint for the pigsty, even though there’s not food for his stomach and he longed to belong and envied the calf and accepted the ring for his finger, which came with speed, watching, generosity, love, longing, hunger, wildness, hunger, longing, love, generosity, watching, speed, ring, finger, calf envy, stomach food, pigsty paint, coat, coat, right, left, City Disspation, left home left. Boy.
                  
Lost, dead, inheritance hunger longing spend party took saw went longwaypigfatinvitegavegavegavegave…
                  
Returned, repenting, humbled, welcomed, having longed for pig husks, spending all inheritance, freely given.
                   
Run away, run towards.
                  
Father was no longer worthy to be called a pig or a calfskin shoe, but hired wild women for off-roasting and dancing and kissing and inheriting and living and greeting and son-hiring and coating the pods a long way.
                  
‘Arise, Dissipod.’

Wednesday 28 September 2011

Prodigal Puppet


casting

Prodigio Sooty [1]
Father  Troy Tempest [2]
Showgirls Looby Loo [3], Judy [4], Destiny Angel [5], Marina [2] & Lady Penelope [6]
Pig Farmer  The Lonely Goatherd [7]
Pigs Pinky [8], Perky [8] and Miss Piggy [9] (given Little Weed [10] to eat)
Faminebringers Chucky [11] and the Mysterons [5]
Fatted Calf Ermintrude [12]
Party Band Dr Teeth and the Electric Mayhem [9]
Cook Swedish Chef [9]
Villagers attending the celebration Brains [6], Dickie Mint [13], Hoppity [14], Willy Woodentop (with Spotty Dog) [15], Torchy the battery boy [16], Statler & Waldorf [9], Parker [6], Captain Black [5], Lord Charles [17], Joe 90 [18], Gary Johnston [19] and Twizzle [20]
Other birds & animals  Kermit the Frog [9], Lamb Chop [21], Hector [22], Muffin the Mule [23], Fozzie Bear [9], Sweep [1], Orville [24], Yoda [25] Zippy [26], Rastamouse [27], Gordon the Gopher [28] & Animal [9]

[1] The Sooty Show [2] Stingray [3] Andy Pandy [4] Punch & Judy  [5] Captain Scarlett [6] Thunderbirds [7] The Sound of Music (1965 movie) [8] Pinky & Perky [9] The Muppet Show [10] Flower Pot Men [11] Child’s Play (1988 movie) [12] The Magic Roundabout [13] voiced by Ken Dodd [14] Sara & Hoppity [15] The Woodentops [16] Torchy the Battery Boy [17] voiced by Ray Allen [18] Joe 90 [19] Team America: World Police (2004 movie) [20] The Adventures of Twzzle [21] voiced by Shari Lewis [22] Hector’s House [23] Muffin the Mule [24] voiced by Keith Harris [25] The Empire Strikes Back (1980 movie) [26] Rainbow [27] Rastamouse [28] Going Live!

Tuesday 27 September 2011

Eye Rhyme

pronunciation changes over time; spelling may eventually catch up [1]. Corrupted iambic pentameter, plus some enforced trochees

‘I would inherit now.’ A son’s harsh tone:
With father’s heavy heart, transaction’s done.
In Dissipation City bills are paid;
‘There’s plenty more for us to spend, he said.
A wanton girl; pneumatic, wicked daughter
Blew cash and waged with greed and frenzied laughter.
She rashly bet, behaving like a fiend,
Distributed his wealth – no proper friend.

And once this boy had no more treasure trove
Then honest, faithful love she did not prove.
A famine rose to savage, fearsome height;
The population there were losing weight.
His money lost, all thrown before the wind
He tended pigs that had but husks to grind;
(Their flesh had gone to merely skin and bone).
His thought process was a revealing one.

‘I will arise; to father’s farm I’ll come –
He’ll bid me leave? Or welcome this son home?
It’s only right for me to face his anger
A worthy son no more – but mere hired stranger.
Emotions are confused and hopes are vague;
Yet certainly I faint from starving ague.
This son dismissed what should have been revered,
Yet father retains love; was never severed.

Seen still a long way off (his father’s vow?
Keep lonely vigil over fields below)
The lad began ‘My sonship I’ll rescind…’
Profligate greeting: overwhelming kind!
Delighted Dad! he clutched him to his breast
And called for gifts, and threw a wondrous feast
With roasted calf and bread; ‘Come all, let’s banquet…
We’ll eat and drink my wine of heady bouquet!

‘Cook partridge, grouse and venison – all game
On toast with sprinkled seeds of sesame.
Despite the waste of money from my wallet
Fetch dancers to enthrall us now with ballet!
So chef, show off your finest recipes
(While minstrels strum and sing or play on pipes)
Yes, roast the fatted calf, monkfish and herring
We’ll feast to welcome my boy, who’s been erring.

‘This lad to blame? No, he’s forgiven. Tears?
Begone! Fetch sandals, coat! My ring he wears!
Alive or dead we never really knew.
(To patch his clothes we’ll get someone to sew).
Like blood as mine is coursing through his veins
This line endures – if soon he eats proteins!)’
Extemporaneous (he did not read
The speech) ‘Alive, although I feared him dead!

‘New coat, new shoes! His hair we’ll gently comb
No longer should his style befit the tomb –
Or by mistake leave trimmed not his moustache.
No! Comfort him! His weary soul won’t ache.
(I can’t deny he acted rather dumbly,
But bring him wine – and stilton, creamy crumbly!)
My humbled son no longer shows hubris!’
Let’s Party! I don’t care we’ll make debris.’

[1] no claim is made that all of these used to sound as rhymes; note also Heteronyms and the out-of-control extreme eye rhyme Ough

Monday 26 September 2011

Artists & classical composers


many of these puns have been stretched considerably beyond health and safety guidelines

Cézanne the opportunity to have his inheritance early, the son did not foreGauguin. He left his home, where there was food by the kilogRam, eau de cologne and the only work he had to do was to count things and keep Tallis. So he became a sort of pilgRem. Brandt new place to live: Dissipation City, where he spent all of his Gains. Borough little while later he was broke.

He’d met a good girl (Sue) in a Bar; tókall her hair merely red was an insult – it was Titian; her clothes had been washed in Purcell and were gleaming white. But it didn’t take long for the love of Monet to change Sousattitude negatively; his cash managed to Turner quickly to greed. Her ‘goodness’ was obviously superficial; just a Vermeer. The perfect Holst, he gave her many gemstones and then plied her with drink: not only sufficient to quench her tHirst but then fall off the Wagn; er tendency was to become severely intoxicated immediately.

She consumed another Glass (until they were both, to be Franck, utterly Pissarro – completely Brahms & Lizst) and deserved to be arrested by the Constable. They were thrown into jail, where they couldn’t watch the Tele. Mannipulatively, she murmured ‘Oh, Dalíng.’

Later released, her tummy rumbled, making amusing noises: Lowry, Prokofiev, El Greco, Brueghel) but she went to the pawnbroker’s to put the jewellery into Hock.

‘Neyd to eat, you see,’ she said. His appetite waS meta nasty way with famine. All wealth was Haydn from the population, as every Stockhaus encountered shortages and the hard-to-Handel hunGer shwindled them into desper-ation as it all started to unRavel.

He found a job looking after an Hog (arthropodia-infested food)… yes, he worked for a pig farmer, whose livestock had been not purchased but Borodin a moment of weakness. He was tending Bacon on the hoof, and the pigs were kept in a Cage.

Eventually, he came to his Saint-Saëns. ‘I shall arise and set off van Gogh to my pa and Ma. Hlerning to be humble’s been a rather long road Dvorák the lad. I am Satiesfied that at home, even the hired men have enough to eat. I am not worthy to be called a son. I have to get out of this Ruttert all costs.’

When he was still a long way Off (enbach beyond the Bridge), his father who had suffered from considerable Strauss during this period, was standing on the roof to survey the countryside, since from this vantage point he could be a Landseer. He ran to hug his boy.

‘If I had to make a choice,’ he said, ‘I would select you every time! I’d certainly Picasson who returns! This is Magritteing to you: Welcome Bach!’ He gave him a ring, Coates and in case he Stubbs his toe, for each foot a Schu. Bert he wouldn’t let the boy say his speech. ‘Least said, soonest Mendel, ssohn…’ he reminded him.

He threw a party. He ordered that the prize-winning calf be killed (it had been awarded a Rosetti), booked Morris dancers (in an attempt to Bizetny), and sent servants to do the Chopin and bring Bach lots of food for the party.

Once the steaks were Freud, they all tucked in. There was salad, Morriconi cheese (sauce based on a béchamEl), garnished with Puccini mushrooms; toasted Paganinis with paté and hard boiled eggs (both yolk and Albinoni), fillets of Pollock, little battered fish called whiteBeet, hoven chips, a rich meaty bRoth, kohlrabi stew and Manet more lovely dishes. Said his father, once the sliced beef – garnished with Salsa Verdi – was laid on the Rach.

‘Man: in, off, out, on, up, down, and Bach again! He was dead and had gorn right Orff but now, Vivaldi!’

Paul Cézanne 1839-1906 Paul Gauguin 1848-1903 Jean-Philippe Rameau 1683-1764 Thomas Tallis 1505-1585 Rembrandt van Rijn 1606-1669 Thomas Gainsborough 1727-1788
Béla Viktor János Bartók 1881–1945 Tiziano Vecellio known as Titian c1473/90-1576 Henry Purcell 1659-1695 Oscar Claude Monet 1840-1926 John Philip Sousa 1854-1932 Joseph Mallord William Turner RA 1775-1851 Johannes Vermeer 1632-1675 Gustav Theodore Holst 1874-1934 Damien Hirst b1965 Wilhelm Richard Wagner 1813-1883
Philip Morris Glass b1937 César Auguste Jean Guillaume Hubert Franck 1822-1890 Camille Pissarro 1830-1903 Johannes Brahms 1833-1897 Franz Ritter von Liszt 1811-1886 John Constable 1776-1837 Georg Philipp Telemann 1681-1767 Salvador Domingo Felipe Jacinto Dalí i Domènech, 1st Marquis of Púbol 1904-1989
Laurence Stephen Lowry 1887-1976 Sergei Sergeyevich Prokofiev 1891-1953 Doménikos Theotokópoulos known as El Greco 1541-1614 Pieter Brueghel the Elder c1525-1569 David Hockney RA b1937 Bedřich Smetana 1824-1884 Franz Joseph Haydn 1732-1809 Karlheinz Stockhausen 1928–2007 George Frideric Handel 1685-1759 George Gershwin 1898–1937 Joseph-Maurice Ravel 1875-1937
William Hogarth 1697-1764 Alexander Borodin 1833-1887 Francis Bacon 1909-1992 John Milton Cage 1912–1992 Charles-Camille Saint-Saëns 1835-1921 Vincent Willem van Gogh 1853-1890 Gustav Mahler 1860-1911 Antonín Leopold Dvořák 1841-1904 Erik Alfred Leslie Satie 1866-1925 Dr John Milford Rutter CBE b1945
Jacob Offenbach 1819-1880 Frank Bridge 1879–1941 Johann Strauss II known as The Younger 1825-1899 Sir Edwin Henry Landseer RA 1802-1873 Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz y Picasso 1881-1973 René François Ghislain Magritte 1898-1967 Johann Sebastian Bach 1685-1750 Eric Coates 1886-1957 George Stubbs 1724-1806 Franz Peter Schubert 1797-1828 Jakob Ludwig Felix Mendelssohn Bartholdy 1809-1847
Antonio Rosetti c1750-1792 William Morris 1834-1896 Georges Bizet 1838–1875 Frédéric François Chopin 1810-1849 Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach 1714-1788 Lucian Michael Freud b1922 Ennio Morricone b1928 Sir Edward William Elgar 1857-1934 Giacomo Antonio Domenico Michele Secondo Maria Puccini 1858-1924 Niccolò Paganini 1782-1840 Tomaso Giovanni Albinoni 1671-1751 Paul Jackson Pollock 1912-1956 Ludwig van Beethoven 1770-1827 Marcus Rothkowitz known as Mark Rothko 1903-1970  Édouard Manet 1832-1883
Giuseppe Fortunino Francesco Verdi 1813-1901 Sergei Vasilievich Rachmaninoff 1873-1943 Wilhelm Friedemann Bach 1710-1784 Carl Orff 1895-1982 Antonio Lucio Vivaldi 1678-1741