Proper names

Jesus of Nazareth, son of Mary & Joseph, told a story.

Prodigio spoke to Homer and asked for Shekels, Denarii and Gold Pieces, whch he got, and he left Homestead Farm. He went down Acacia Avenue and Wistaria Lane, along the B3339, onto the A44 Bypass and out of Quietsville to Dissipation City in Foreignland.

At the Hookah Hostelry, he met with Jane, Lynda, Gloria, Delores, Jack, Melvin, Simon and Roy and drank Margueritas, Whisky Macs, Tequilla Sunrises, Singapore Slings and Gold Tin Slammers [1]. One Thursday, his tenners and tanners ran out. Famine Florrie set in at the same time.

Everyone was starving, and Prodigio took a job at Pelham’s Piggery, looking after some Saddlebacks and Vietnamese Pot-Bellied pigs called Napoleon, Empress of Blandings, Sausage, Chops, Snowball, Squealer and Babe. He longed to eat their food: Musselberg Leek à la Mould in a Pus Jus. But he came to his senses and decided to return to Homestead Farm to work as a Labourer (Second Class).

While he was still on the A44, not yet at the turn for the B3339, Homer ran to greet him and gave him an 18 carat gold ring, an Afghan coat and Oxford brogues. He had Buttercup slaughtered and spit-roasted and invited all of Quietsville to celebrate.

Homer said ‘My son Prodigio was lost, but is found; he was dead but is alive. Thank the Lord God Almighty, Maker of Heaven and Earth and Saviour and Friend and Restorer and Forgiver.’


[1] a powerful blend of Special Brew and a double vodka. Not for the faint-hearted