pig farmer
• c/u Cam 1 andrea For more on that story, we can now cross to the other side of the studio, where Ian Terfueher is speaking to the father of the man who seems to have landed on his feet and the pig farmer where his son ended up. Ian?
• wide shot Cam 2 ian terfeuher Thanks, Andrea. Now, Mr Pelham, you’re the current owner of the pig Farm?
pelham Yes, sir that I be.
• c/u Cam 3 ian terfeuher Well, tell us, if you will, please, in your own words, what happened that night.
• c/u Cam 2 pelham Us?
• pull back to wide shot Cam 3 ian terfeuher (with an expansive wave of the hand) Myself, Mr Certainman Senior next to you, the camera, and all the many millions of viewers sitting in their living rooms at home…
• c/u Cam 2 pelham Oh, yes, I see, Right, well, I have a farm and keep pigs. I know it’s not popular with everyone, but there’s a chance in a foreign country that some people might want ham or bacon or trotters or chops or chump steaks or snout or ears or lard. Or a nice leg of pork with some lovely crackling…
• c/u Cam 3 ian terfeuher Yes, quite so. And what happened to your livestock?
• c/u Cam 2 pelham Yes, right, I was coming to that. I have thirty… no, tell a lie, twenty nine pigs. But unfortunately I had to take the knife to one of them as my family was running low on things to eat. We can have lovely fresh chops and steaks and joints, and the rest can be salted down or hung in the chimney for smoking and curing and getting ready for ham and bacon and the local variation of prosciutto…
• c/u Cam 3 ian terfeuher I understand. Tell us about the boy, Mr Pelham, please.
• c/u Cam 2 pelham Right, I was getting onto that. My thir– twenty nine pigs haven’t been eating all that well of late, on account of the hardships and deprivations of the country. This economic downturn is hitting the smallholders really hard. We haven’t the infrastructure to cope with cashflow shortages…
• pull back to wide shot then slow push in to c/u Cam 2 certainman (interrupts) You want to talk about cashflow shortages? I doubt you understand the sort of difficulties I had to endure. I was asked to find fully 30% of my wealth and make it liquid; I had to sell fields and buildings, and lay off several farmhands in order to gather the cash, and then I couldn’t make ends meet without selling more land and cutting off my nose to spite my face, as fewer fields meant fewer crops, which meant a smaller income, less wages to pay the hirelings, and so I had to let most of them go, and ended up with not enough of them when the time cane to harvest the crops I did have! It was pretty tough. Although I have to say that we weren’t hit by the crop failures; that would have been a disaster!
• wide shot Cam 3 pelham Disaster, indeed. You would not have survived! I don’t quite understand – why did you have to give away a third of your wealth?
• c/u Cam 2 certainman My younger son asked for it, and I agreed. I didn’t really think it through; I just saw that he needed to get away, to experience life and see the world – although what he ended up with was very nearly experiencing death, and only really seeing the worldliness.
• wide shot Cam 3 ian terfeuher Ah, hahaha, yes, yes. But we’re rushing to the end of the story without really giving the viewers a chance to hear what happened. Now, Mr Pelham, you were telling us about your pigs…
• both interviewees Cam 2 pelham Indeed. Oh, yes. Lovely. Plump and ready for market, they were. Some of the best porkers I had ever raised. Just needed another month of rich, full, healthy corn cobs and beans and ripe fruit and vegetables. It was a shame, a terrible shame, I tell you. (pause)
• wide shot Cam 3 ian terfeuher (softly, with compassion) But that didn’t happen, did it?
• c/u Cam 2 pelham No, no, no, no, no, too right it didn’t. Oh, yes, you’re right there. No, it didn’t happen. Not at all, not at all.
• wide shot Cam 3 ian terfeuher (becoming exasperated) Can you tell us why not?
• c/u Cam 2 pelham Why not? Why not what?
• wide shot Cam 3 ian terfeuher Why were your pigs not able to be fed with corn and made ready for market?
• c/u Cam 2 pelham The economic downturn, boy! I already told you, didn’t I? With the crops failing, there was not enough food for the people of the country, so there was never going to be any left over for the livestock, was there?
• to noddy, ian Cam 3 pelham (continues) The people had to eat thin, feeble vegetable waste matter.
to be concluded
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