• c/u pelham Cam 2 pelham (continues) The people were eating the grade of food that would in times passed have been below the standard for my porkers. It was that bad, that it would have been composted down for fertiliser. So you can imagine the sort of rubbish that was sent to me – all mouldy, scabrous, rotting, slimy, useless stuff. No good at all. No goodness in it for the pigs. I wouldn’t be surprised if instead of building them up for market, the pods I was giving them were carrying disease and all kinds of sickness. My pigs are very sensitive to sickness you know:
• to noddy, ian, Cam 3 pelham (continues) they can go down with general malnutrition of course, but then there’s
• c/u pelham Cam 2 pelham (continues) swine pox, buscellosis, Blue Ear reproductive and respiratory syndrome, tricinella, swine fever, hog cholera, metatron-gylosis and trotterrot. Oh, it’s a tricky business, rearing and fattening up porkers, you know.
• c/u Cam 3 ian terfeuher So your pigs were suffering then? Did any of those diseases take hold?
• c/u Cam 2 pelham As it happened, all of my porkers are perfectly clear of disease, but somewhat malnourished. Hardly any fat on any of ‘em!
• c/u Cam 3 ian terfeuher And it was on account of that they you had to lay off your farmhands?
• c/u Cam 2 pelham Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.
• to noddy, ian Cam 3 pelham (continues) The farmhand we’re here to talk about took himself off one night. Just left a
• c/u pelham Cam 2 pelham (continues) note about becoming inspired and having to go home. I blame the parents, of course, no staying power, no commitment, no understanding of farming techniques and the needs of the livestock. Disgraceful, really, the youth of today.
• c/u Cam 3 ian terfeuher (nervous laughter) Can you read us the note he left?
• c/u Cam 2 pelham Certainly. (He seaches his pocket for a moment, and then pulls out a piece of paper, triumphantly) Ah yes, I have it here… (looks carefully at the paper, frowns) …no, that’s a receipt from HopsSlops U Like… (searches the other pocket, with much face-pulling and waggling of eyebrows) here it is. (he reads) ‘Dear Mr Pelham’ – at least you can agree he was brought up to be
• pull out to long shot, Cam 3 pelham (continues) polite – ‘I have come to my senses and can no longer look after your pigs. It was when my hunger led me to start imagining what the scabby pods might taste like. My pa’s hired men eat well every day, so I’m going to go home and ask my Pa if I can work for him, as I am no longer worthy to be called a son. Please forward my wages to Certainman Farm, Homeville. Yours, Jack.’
certainman (becomes animated) Did you say Jack? Of Certainman Farm?
ian terfeuher Yes, Mr Certainman, that’s why we have you on this programme. It was your son at Mr Pelham’s piggery!
• c/u Cam 2 certainman And he says he came to his senses, and returned in order to become a hired man?
• c/u Cam 3 ian terfeuher That’s right. So I suppose you took him in and gave him a job?
• c/u Cam 2 certainman I most certainly did not!
• c/u Cam 3 ian terfeuher You rejected your son?
• c/u Cam 2 certainman No, sir, I did not. But I didn’t take him on as an hireling or a farm hand. No, I ran to him and gave him…
• wide shot Cam 3 pelham You ran to him?
certainman I did, sir. I left my dignity behind, and welcomed my son back to the home. I kissed him and gave him gifts and reinstated him as my son.
pelham You gave him gifts? But he took so much fom you it nearly bankrupted you…
• push in to extreme c/u, Cam 2 certainman I know what he did, but he’s my son and I forgive him. I gave him my family ring, and new shoes and a coat and then I killed the fatted calf and we celebrated. For my son was lost, and is found; he was dead, but is alive!
• c/u Cam 3 pull back to long shot ian terfeuher (to camera 3) Well, there we have it. A remarkable story of survival through the famine, and of a forgiving father. And now back to Andrea in the newsroom for a travel update, and the sport and weather.
• c/u Cam 1 andrea Thanks, Ian; remarkable story! Now, travel news for tomorrow morning looks like there’s…
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