Medical

Seed of the farmer’s twice-fecund loins, he extracted the cash and began an ill-advised, unsound extended over-indulgence in alcohol and both prescription and recreational pharmaceuticals, with a protein and carbohydrate-rich diet and unprotected procreative interactivity with female Caucasians in the age range 18-25.

An extreme, enforced low-calorie regime was prescribed for the population by circumstance, and the youth took a role caring for animals likely to suffer from scrofulous, ringworm, halitosis and trotter-rot.

He envied their vegetarian ingestion.

He benefited from a sudden, thoroughgoing and serious cranial infarction, and decided to resume residence at home, taking the role of porter. En route, his biological father applied lip-therapy stat [1], some appropriate torso massage, provision of a minor specimen of metal exoskeleton, ensured he was able to regulate his body temperature, included protection for his soles and caused fatal trauma to the oesophagus of the morbidly obese calf. The animal was dissected, and lungs, kidneys, heart and digestive system removed. Its body cavity was then penetrated by a metal rod and the whole carcase subjected to third degree burns over an extended period.

During the celebration, the paternal relative said ‘This cadaver has been resussitated, revivied, reinvigorated!’

[1] abbreviation of Latin statim meaning immediately, used in medical contexts