Report from an alien visitor

I encountered several interesting species while I was visiting.

First there was what is termed a family, and while these units usually live in the same den or hutch, this one was breaking apart, as one of the young was being given the means to grow into adulthood alone. He departed and yet demonstrated that he was lacking even basic budgeting skills, as soon his means of support was wasted on imbibing an apparently dangerous and addictive substance called alcohol and on various intimate but non-procreative activities (which seems devoid of purpose and frought with psychological and biological jeopardies). This young family member then found himself in a time of want, as the entire region fell into deep need.

Then I came across some pink quadropeds (even-toed ungulates, as I understand the term), which were staying alive by means of rotting vegetation, provided by person or persons unknown. The young family member seemed keen to eat along with the quadropeds, but then took a very different direction. He seemed to be speaking to himself, or was practising something which gave him cause to be nervous and jumpy. ‘Father, I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

He returned to the nest, but before he arrived, the elder of the family perambuated at a pace. At first, I wondered if the adult was going to send the young one away again, but no, he pressed his mouth-edges against the young one’s face, and gave him protection for his feet and shoulders, and tagged him with a band of metal. I think this may be some means of punishment; perhaps connected to an obedience training device secreted within the lair. I have not been able to invstigate this further.

One other species started to prove interesting, but it was suddenly despatched and spit-roasted, so while I could not observe it in its natural habitat ‘on the hoof’ as it were, I was able to taste slices of this so-called ‘cooked’ beast, with gravy and something called yorkshire pudding, which gave me both nourishment and pleasure. I was also at that juncture able to sample the aforementioned alcohol, and found it to be quite acceptable, until it gave me involuntary spasms (synchronous diaphragmatic fluttering) known as hiccoughs.

The elder of the family group said something along the lines of ‘My son was dead but now is lost.’ I may not have quoted the parental figure accurately as the alcohol possibly affected my judgement, on account of its intoxicating properties.

  I also encountered a natural and apparently not uncommon repercussion of ingesting this fluid, as when awoke from my regeneration cycle, all cranial activity was beset with pain and uncharacteristic sluggishness of inspiration, and all noises caused further inconvenience. This effect wore off when I introduced a different form of this liquid, termed, I think, Fur of the Canine, or something like that. This ingestion also brought gratification to my facial input sensor tubing.

Nannoo, Nannoo.