Following a breakfast of quail’s eggs in white sauce accompanied by toasted rye bread and Thick Cut Dundee marmalade, with Earl Grey tea, the younger son took his share of his father’s fortune and left the farm.
He soon enjoyed a magnificent lifestyle in Dissipation City, where he would often entertain his friends with meals from a variety of restaurants. Favourites included thinly sliced rare forerib with a julienne of carrots and courgette, accompanied by a beautifully crisp rosti of sweet potato. Perhaps occasionally they would dine on moule marinier or scallops or langoustines, seared, dusted with chilli and served on tagliatelli or with a rich sun-dried tomato sauce. Then there might be slow-braised lamb cutlets in an herb crust, on a bed of mash, with peas and french beans. To follow might come zabaglioni or chocolate fondant with vanilla cream or lemon meringue pie or tiramasu. And then the cheeseboard, of course.
He soon enjoyed a magnificent lifestyle in Dissipation City, where he would often entertain his friends with meals from a variety of restaurants. Favourites included thinly sliced rare forerib with a julienne of carrots and courgette, accompanied by a beautifully crisp rosti of sweet potato. Perhaps occasionally they would dine on moule marinier or scallops or langoustines, seared, dusted with chilli and served on tagliatelli or with a rich sun-dried tomato sauce. Then there might be slow-braised lamb cutlets in an herb crust, on a bed of mash, with peas and french beans. To follow might come zabaglioni or chocolate fondant with vanilla cream or lemon meringue pie or tiramasu. And then the cheeseboard, of course.
After a while, famine struck, just as the boy’s cash reserves dwindled to nothing, and he was forced to endure a period of fasting. He considered making a meal of some less-than-fresh vegetable ingredients, but since there were no spices and no olive oil for drizzling, he declined. He decided to return to his home to become a sous-chef in his fathers’ kitchen.
Upon his return, his father endowed him with a coat and a ring, as well as shoes and a great welcome. He also gave him a packet of blue plasters. At the party, generous portions of perfectly-roasted young calf were served with Yorkshire puddings, a richly reduced sauce made from port and onions, beautifully glazed vegetables, crisp, browned duchess potato and fragrant bread sauce, followed by mandarin soufflé or banoffee pie, with freshly ground coffee and waffere-theen mints. Vigorously avoided were all options which are paraded solely on account of being vegetarian, justly-sourced, decaf, vegan, wholemeal, fairtade, 1% fat, cholesterol-free, vitamin-C-enriched, or low-carbon-footprint.
‘My boy? We thought he’d got on the gravy train and then had his chips and been creamed, but that was just so much waffle. He’s not been braised, grilled, fried or seared!’
See also 30-minute lostness
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