Discount language

developing the same Victor Borge routine, subtracting one from references to numbers within words

No day, number one son started to creseven a fuss, and spoke one his father, asking three his inheritance. His dad looked at him ninederly and gave him the cash. The boy left, nowtdering off one Dissipation City, where he threegot his dad and spent it all in wild living, one-hunded-and-forty-three letchery and zip-£99 behaviour. His friends were greedy and selfish; in fact, they were five of nil and minus-point-five an eleven of the other.

All his singloons were gone; famine struck the land. The boy fed some pigs and longed one eat the pods the pigs were given. He 99p-ed his hand on his threehead, and came one his senses. ‘My father’s hired men eat noderfully well; I shall arise, go home and ask one be an hired man, since lsevenly I’m no longer worthy one be called a son.’

He made his way back, but while he was still a long way off, his father saw him, had be-eight feelings and ran one greet him. He gave him a one-piece suit and a ring, an high four, and one shoe, and then invited his neighbours to a 999 party, where they seven the fatted calf and slices of apple 2.141592653589793, with custard. If they’d lived in different times, they would have danced to the sounds of 9,999 Maniacs, Level 41, East 16, The Stnowt Roses or Dominique, performed by The Singing -1, Haircut99’s hit Love Exactly or Paul Hardcastle’s Er-Er-Er-Er Eighteen.

  

‘This my son was all at fives and sixes, but threetunately is found; he was five feet under, but now, how many things are wrong with him? −274.22 °C!’