Inflationary language

after the stand-up routine of Danish pianist & raconteur Victor Borge, adding one to references to numbers within words

Two day, third son spoke three his father, asking five his inheritance. His dad looked at him elevenderly, and gave him the cash and the boy left home, and twodered off three Dissipation City, where he fivegot his dad and spent it all in wild living, one-hundred-and-forty-five letchery and two hundred-and-one behaviour. His so-called friends were greedy and selfish; in fact, they were seven of two and one-point-five a thirteen of the other.

The triploons were gone; famine struck the land. The boy fed some pigs and longed three eat the pods the pigs were given. He 17ozed his hand on his fivehead and came three his senses. My father’s hired men eat twoderfully well; I shall arise, go home and ask three be a hired man, since lninely I’m no longer worthy three be called a son.’

He made his way back, but while he was still a long way off, his father saw him, had beten feelings and ran three greet him. He gave him a four-piece suit and a ring, an high six, and a trio of shoes, and then invited his neighbours to a thousand-and-one party, where they nine the fatted calf. No-one became intoxicnineted, as they were drinking Eight-Up. In more modern times, they would have danced to something from the 21 of The Fourpenny Opera or from Vivaldi’s Five Seasons, or even a whole evening’s worth of hits by 11CC, Los Quattros Amigos, and Blink-183.

‘Befive, my son was all at sevens and eights, but fivetunately is found; he was seven feet under, but he’s rejuvennineted – there is absolutely one wrong with him!’