Tunnel Vision

a selection of London Underground stations and lines

Colin Dale’s Dad (named Paul) went to the Bank to get some money and then Maida Valediction speech… ‘If you really want to go, I won’t stop you son.’ Colin almost ran through the Archway and out onto the road (in a Northern direction) and left the Borough, arriving a few days later in the red light District of Dissipation Central. 

He became drunk and disorderly, and behaved like a Loughton frittered his wealth on Seven Sisters. They played games – and not just old fashioned pencil & paper ones like Hainaults & King’s Crosses. In a restaurant, the maitre d’ (named Theydon Bois) served wine like Water. Looking around, Colin made his selection of pretty but dangerous girls: he decided to Piccadilly called Victoria. He took her to a casino in a swanky Mansion. ‘House!’ she cried, when her bingo numbers came up. They drank until they were Barbican, Pimlico and completely Canary Wharf.

Sadly, he didn’t keep in mind the gap between income and expenditure, and soon Colin’s cash ran out. He said to Vicky ‘I have no more money with which to Plai. Stowney broke I am…’ His food delivery wasn’t an early one; in fact it was a very Leyton. Stones lighter, he realized there was a famine. He was homeless like a Holborn and he had nothing to eat, either. His insides felt completely Hollow. Ay Road out of there was what he needed to find.

He said ‘I could eat an Elephant.’

Ann Castle ran a pig farm, and Colin got a job. Feeding pigs or eating their food made him feel sIckenham was something he was not allowed to touch. ‘I can bear this no longer; I cannot Stanmore of this hunger,’ he thought aloud. Just then, as the stench was High, Barnet of the lad was visited by an Angel. ‘Your father’s men eat well,’ he said. It was a revelation. ‘I shall arise and return to those Northwood Hills, past the Oakwood, the Earl’s Court and the Knight’s Bridge. I have losses which I’ll have to cut, and cover the ground between here and home.’

Meanwhile, Paul was watching out for his boy, aware that standing out in the Mediterranean weather without skin protection was dangerous for a father, which is why wore plenty of Parsons Green.

By the time Colin had walked home, his dogs were Barking. He had a speech ready: ‘Before you, Dad, I humbly Bow…’ Road-runner dad was already greeting, kissing, hugging him. He’d been watching from the Embankment, and saw Colin, barefoot, Padding tonatiously towards the Old Street.

Paul called for his servants to attend by his pre-arranged signal with both hands - to Clapham. ‘Common workers, bring a coat…’ For Colin’s finger, a Circle of gold (‘This is gold; unlike copper, it won’t discolour your fingers or Turnham Green’) or was it more like an Oval? It had a beveled Edg. ‘Ware this coat, too my boy! Come on, my lad, give it a tRui. Slip it on and do the buttons up. And here are some shoes!’ His delight was evidently on an escalator.

Paul spoke to another servant. ‘Go to the calf, and once you’ve used the knife to Kil, burn the wood and roast the meat. Make a fire of blazing elm and Burnt Oak.’

The trumpeters’ Tooting Beckoned everyone from their fields – he invited All Saints from the Metropolitan area to attend the party. After the guitarists played (one had a Gibson Les Paul, while the other had a Strat), ford was served.

Paul made a speech: ‘Paul’s treated you to this party! Paul’s treated you to wine and oysters and pâté made from calf’s Liver. Pool Streeted you to caviar, too! Everyone loved the roast meat and the bread, so Paul publicly thanked the chef and the Baker. ‘Look, my son was lost but now he’s found and is alive, thank the Lord!’ After the sweet course, they served Stilton, Brie, and Red Leicester; Square crackers and round ones, too. It was booze-Up, neys-up and a bless-up!

‘He was sick (we thought he was what the French call Morden we started to arrange a funeral, the narrow way), and everything was going down the tube, but now his body is Ealing (Broadway) so celebrate! Party like it’s Jubilee year! I’ll put up a Monument! It’ll be just the ticket!

Colindale Northern; Bank Central, Docklands Light Railway (DLR), Northern, Waterloo & City (W&C); Maida Vale Bakerloo; Archway Northern; Northern Line, black, 50 stations; Borough Northern; District Line, green, 60 stations; Central Line, red, 49 stations Loughton Central; Seven Sisters Victoria; Hainault Central; King’s Cross Circle, Hammersmith & City, Metropolitan, Northern, Piccadilly, Victoria • Theydon Bois Central; Waterloo Bakerloo, Jubilee, Northern, W&C; Piccadilly Line, dark blue, 53 stations; Victoria Line, cyan, 16 stations; Circle, District, Victoria; Mansion House Circle, District; Barbican Circle, Metropolitan, H&C; Pimlico Victoria; Canary Wharf DLR, Jubilee • Mind the gap iconic announcement where platforms are curved or shared by rolling stock of different floor-height – notably at Bank, Paddington & Piccadilly Circus; Plaistow District, H&C; Leytonstone Central; Holborn Central, Piccadilly; Holloway Road Piccadilly; Elephant & Castle Bakerloo, Northern; Ickenham Metropolitan, Piccadilly; Stanmore Jubilee • High Barnet Northern; Northwood Hills Metropolitan; Oakwood Piccadilly; Earl’s Court District, Piccadilly; Knightsbridge Piccadilly; cut and cover trench and roof construction especially on Circle/District line, as opposed to ‘tube’ tunnels • Parsons Green District • Barking District, H&C; Bow Road District, H&C; Paddington Bakerloo, Circle, District, H&C; Old Street Northern • Clapham Common Northern; Circle Line, yellow, 35 stations; Turnham Green District, Piccadilly; Oval Northern; Edgware Northern; Ruislip Metropolitan, Piccadilly; escalator moving staircase: the first was installed at Earl’s Court in 1911 • Kilburn Northern; Burnt Oak Northern • Tooting Bec Northern; All Saints DLR; Metropolitan Line, magenta, 34 stations; Stratford Central, DLR, Jubilee; oyster electronic pre-payment card Liverpool Street Central, Circle, H&C, Metropolitan; Bakerloo Line, brown, 25 stations Leicester Square Northern, Piccadilly; Upney District • Morden Northern; The Tube familiar term; Ealing Broadway Central, District; Jubilee Line, silver grey, 23 stations; Monument Circle, District; ticket receipt for fare payment