Approximate

Roughly half of the offspring wanted some money, so the alleged biological sperm-doner gave some. The recipient (let’s use the name Mel – non-gender-specific) went away some distance. After an indeterminate period of time, a very considerable proportion of it was gone.

Round about the same week, a distinct lack of food came upon the land and Mel went for one or more jobs at a place where animals of some kind were kept. They ate vegetable matter of undisclosed origin and description, and Mel quite fancied eating (or at least chewing) some, parts or all. Instead, a good idea occurred, and the concept of wondering home (just to see what happens) was mooted.

While Mel was still a certain distance away, one or both of the aforementioned ‘parents’ hurried out, possibly to engage in a little meet-and-greet. Gifts of two or fewer items of jewellery, clothing of about size S and footwear featuring less leatherwork than is often associated with what some might call ‘shoes’ were provided, and a sort of party was hinted at (start time – about 6pm or thereabouts).

The middling-to-portly bovine was warmed to at least 17 degrees above room temperature (minimum), and the adult said ‘Several or fewer of my offspring got mislaid but now are located; Mel – it could have been Mel, but now I’m not so certain – anyway, the person or people in question was feeling (so we’re told) a little peaky but has responded to treatment. He’ll be fine within a few days. Or a week or so. Certainly by next month. I’ll let you know.’