Artists & classical composers

many of these puns have been stretched considerably beyond health and safety guidelines

Cézanne the opportunity to have his inheritance early, the son did not foreGauguin. He left his home, where there was food by the kilogRam, eau de cologne and the only work he had to do was to count things and keep Tallis. So he became a sort of pilgRem. Brandt new place to live: Dissipation City, where he spent all of his Gains. Borough little while later he was broke.

He’d met a good girl (Sue) in a Bar; tókall her hair merely red was an insult – it was Titian; her clothes had been washed in Purcell and were gleaming white. But it didn’t take long for the love of Monet to change Sousattitude negatively; his cash managed to Turner quickly to greed. Her ‘goodness’ was obviously superficial; just a Vermeer. The perfect Holst, he gave her many gemstones and then plied her with drink: not only sufficient to quench her tHirst but then fall off the Wagn; er tendency was to become severely intoxicated immediately.

She consumed another Glass (until they were both, to be Franck, utterly Pissarro – completely Brahms & Lizst) and deserved to be arrested by the Constable. They were thrown into jail, where they couldn’t watch the Tele. Mannipulatively, she murmured ‘Oh, Dalíng.’

Later released, her tummy rumbled, making amusing noises: Lowry, Prokofiev, El Greco, Brueghel) but she went to the pawnbroker’s to put the jewellery into Hock.

‘Neyd to eat, you see,’ she said. His appetite waS meta nasty way with famine. All wealth was Haydn from the population, as every Stockhaus encountered shortages and the hard-to-Handel hunGer shwindled them into desper-ation as it all started to unRavel.

He found a job looking after an Hog (arthropodia-infested food)… yes, he worked for a pig farmer, whose livestock had been not purchased but Borodin a moment of weakness. He was tending Bacon on the hoof, and the pigs were kept in a Cage.

Eventually, he came to his Saint-Saëns. ‘I shall arise and set off van Gogh to my pa and Ma. Hlerning to be humble’s been a rather long road Dvorák the lad. I am Satiesfied that at home, even the hired men have enough to eat. I am not worthy to be called a son. I have to get out of this Ruttert all costs.’

When he was still a long way Off (enbach beyond the Bridge), his father who had suffered from considerable Strauss during this period, was standing on the roof to survey the countryside, since from this vantage point he could be a Landseer. He ran to hug his boy.

‘If I had to make a choice,’ he said, ‘I would select you every time! I’d certainly Picasson who returns! This is Magritteing to you: Welcome Bach!’ He gave him a ring, Coates and in case he Stubbs his toe, for each foot a Schu. Bert he wouldn’t let the boy say his speech. ‘Least said, soonest Mendel, ssohn…’ he reminded him.

He threw a party. He ordered that the prize-winning calf be killed (it had been awarded a Rosetti), booked Morris dancers (in an attempt to Bizetny), and sent servants to do the Chopin and bring Bach lots of food for the party.

Once the steaks were Freud, they all tucked in. There was salad, Morriconi cheese (sauce based on a béchamEl), garnished with Puccini mushrooms; toasted Paganinis with paté and hard boiled eggs (both yolk and Albinoni), fillets of Pollock, little battered fish called whiteBeet, hoven chips, a rich meaty bRoth, kohlrabi stew and Manet more lovely dishes. Said his father, once the sliced beef – garnished with Salsa Verdi – was laid on the Rach.

‘Man: in, off, out, on, up, down, and Bach again! He was dead and had gorn right Orff but now, Vivaldi!’

Paul Cézanne 1839-1906 Paul Gauguin 1848-1903 Jean-Philippe Rameau 1683-1764 Thomas Tallis 1505-1585 Rembrandt van Rijn 1606-1669 Thomas Gainsborough 1727-1788

Béla Viktor János Bartók 1881–1945 Tiziano Vecellio known as Titian c1473/90-1576 Henry Purcell 1659-1695 Oscar Claude Monet 1840-1926 John Philip Sousa 1854-1932 Joseph Mallord William Turner RA 1775-1851 Johannes Vermeer 1632-1675 Gustav Theodore Holst 1874-1934 Damien Hirst b1965 Wilhelm Richard Wagner 1813-1883

Philip Morris Glass b1937 César Auguste Jean Guillaume Hubert Franck 1822-1890 Camille Pissarro 1830-1903 Johannes Brahms 1833-1897 Franz Ritter von Liszt 1811-1886 John Constable 1776-1837 Georg Philipp Telemann 1681-1767 Salvador Domingo Felipe Jacinto Dalí i Domènech, 1st Marquis of Púbol 1904-1989

Laurence Stephen Lowry 1887-1976 Sergei Sergeyevich Prokofiev 1891-1953 Doménikos Theotokópoulos known as El Greco 1541-1614 Pieter Brueghel the Elder c1525-1569 David Hockney RA b1937 Bedřich Smetana 1824-1884 Franz Joseph Haydn 1732-1809 Karlheinz Stockhausen 1928–2007 George Frideric Handel 1685-1759 George Gershwin 1898–1937 Joseph-Maurice Ravel 1875-1937

William Hogarth 1697-1764 Alexander Borodin 1833-1887 Francis Bacon 1909-1992 John Milton Cage 1912–1992 Charles-Camille Saint-Saëns 1835-1921 Vincent Willem van Gogh 1853-1890 Gustav Mahler 1860-1911 Antonín Leopold Dvořák 1841-1904 Erik Alfred Leslie Satie 1866-1925 Dr John Milford Rutter CBE b1945

Jacob Offenbach 1819-1880 Frank Bridge 1879–1941 Johann Strauss II known as The Younger 1825-1899 Sir Edwin Henry Landseer RA 1802-1873 Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz y Picasso 1881-1973 René François Ghislain Magritte 1898-1967 Johann Sebastian Bach 1685-1750 Eric Coates 1886-1957 George Stubbs 1724-1806 Franz Peter Schubert 1797-1828 Jakob Ludwig Felix Mendelssohn Bartholdy 1809-1847

Antonio Rosetti c1750-1792 William Morris 1834-1896 Georges Bizet 1838–1875 Frédéric François Chopin 1810-1849 Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach 1714-1788 Lucian Michael Freud b1922 Ennio Morricone b1928 Sir Edward William Elgar 1857-1934 Giacomo Antonio Domenico Michele Secondo Maria Puccini 1858-1924 Niccolò Paganini 1782-1840 Tomaso Giovanni Albinoni 1671-1751 Paul Jackson Pollock 1912-1956 Ludwig van Beethoven 1770-1827 Marcus Rothkowitz known as Mark Rothko 1903-1970  Édouard Manet 1832-1883

Giuseppe Fortunino Francesco Verdi 1813-1901 Sergei Vasilievich Rachmaninoff 1873-1943 Wilhelm Friedemann Bach 1710-1784 Carl Orff 1895-1982 Antonio Lucio Vivaldi 1678-1741