‘Please don’t go,’ said the father, who suffered from asthma. ‘But if I let you go with my money - bring it all back. There will be tears on my pillow, because I will always love you. I believe love can build a bridge, but I’ll be missing you, and it’ll be killing me softly to be without you. It will be a sacrifice. I realise this will spice up your life, and you might even be asking yourself Should I stay or should I go? but then you’re young at heart and everybody’s free. Don’t. Stop!… Goodbye!’
The boy left with the cash, and ended up partying with some men in black (well, black or white) and a girl in an itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka dot bikini. ‘She’s the one! She can lift me up until I’m flying without wings!’ he cried. Love is all around on Saturday night, and he wanted to keep on movin’, baby (one more time), and to dance with the most beautiful girl in the world, until he was dizzy.
They started to play no limit poker, and he hoped ‘My heart will go on, but I’d like to be dealt hearts or diamonds: come on you reds, just a little bit more!’ Eventually, the joker was never ever going to be enough. The boy had been promised breakfast at Tiffany’s but it was not to be. Come one morning, the food ran out.
The famine was a killer. Too much? No, when the going gets tough, the tough get going, and this was the perfect moment. Would I lie to you? It was 3am. Eternal revelation came to him and he saw that things can only get better if he returned.
Feeling deeply dippy, he started back home. Before he got to the end of the road where his father and mama lived, the old man ran up to him. ‘I want you back!’ he cried, ‘ready or not!’
The son started ‘I wannabe your servant…’ but the father gave him a ring and a coat and some shoes. What was his message? It’s in his kiss.
The asthmatic old man was getting breathless, and had to turn to his compressed enriched air supply (50% oxygen: i.e. in the bottle).
‘I’d do anything for love, (but I won’t do that). You are the one and only, and now you’re back for good. I thought I’d be living on my own, but now there ain’t nobody knockin’ on Heaven’s door anymore. We can dance: Mambo No 5 and Livin’ La Vida Loca until the end of the millennium! Pray erstwhile working arrangements can resume!
‘Oh, what a perfect day! Viva forever!’
Please don’t go KWS 1992 • If I let you Go Westlife 99 • Bring it all Back S Club 7 99 • Tears on my Pillow Kylie Minogue 90 • I will Always Love You Whitney Houston 92 • I Believe Robson & Jerome 95 • Love can build a Bridge Cher, Chrissie Hynde and Neneh Cherry with Eric Clapton 95 • I’ll be Missing you Puff Daddy & Faith Evans 97 • Killing me Softly Fugees 96 twice • Without You Mariah Carey 94 • Sacrifice Elton John 90 • Spice Up your Life Spice Girls 97 • Should I stay or should I go? Clash 91 • Young at Heart Bluebells 93 • Everybody’s Free Baz Luhmann 99 • Don’t Stop (Wiggle Wiggle) Outhere Brothers 95 Goodbye Spice Girls 98
Men in Black Will Smith 97 • Black or White Michael Jackson 91 Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini Bombalurina 90 • She’s the One Robbie Williams 99 • Lift me up Geri Halliwell 99 • Flying without Wings Westlife 99 • Love is all around Wet Wet Wet 94 • Saturday Night Whigfield 94 • Keep on Movin’ Five 99 • Baby one more time Britney Spears 99 • Most Beautiful Girl in the World Prince 94 • Dizzy Vic Reeves and the Wonder Stuff 91 •
No Limit 2 Unlimited 93 • My Heart will Go On Celine Dion 98 • Come on you reds! Manchester United Football Squad 94 • A little bit more 911 99 • The Joker Steve Miller Band 90 • Never Ever All Saints 99 • Breakfast at Tiffany’s Deep Blue Something 96 • 2 Become 1 Spice Girls 96
Killer Adamski 90 • Too Much Spice Girls 97• When the Going gets Tough Boyzone 99 • Perfect Moment Martine McCutcheon 99 • Would I lie to you? Charles and Eddie 92 • 3am Eternal KLF featuring Children of the Revolution 91 • Things can only get Better D:Ream 94
Deeply Dippy Right Said Fred 92 • The End of the Road Boys II Men 92 • Mama Spice Girls 97 • I Want You Back Melanie B featuring Missy Elliott 98 • Ready or Not Fugees 96 • Wannabe Spice Girls 96
Shoop Shoop Song (It’s In His Kiss) Cher 91 • Genie in the Bottle Christina Aquilera 99
I’d do Anything for Love, (But I Won’t do That) • Meat Loaf 93 • The One and Only Chesney Hawkes 91 • Back for Good Take That 95 • Living on my Own Freddie Mercury 93 • Ain’t Nobody LL Cool J 97 • Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door Dunblane 96 • Mambo No 5 Lou Bega 99 • Livin’ La Vida Loca Ricky Martin 99 The Millenium Prayer Cliff Richard 99
Perfect Day Various 98 • Viva Forever Spice Girls 98
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